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HandsToTheSide Blogger

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 20:46:00 -0500

HandsToTheSide Blogger:

Follow for street art, food finds, and personal woes.

HandsToTheSide Blogger

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 23:08:43 -0500

HandsToTheSide Blogger

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 00:26:39 -0500

HandsToTheSide Blogger

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 01:27:48 -0500

HandsToTheSide Blogger

The simple act of standing behind me has my heart racing. What we did in bed, rolling around. A...

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 22:33:03 -0500

The simple act of standing behind me has my heart racing. What we did in bed, rolling around. A mess of limbs and a chorus of moans. It’s amazing. Breathtaking to be together. I learn new things about him every time. The rectangular shape of his birthmark. The way he twitches when I touch the back of his neck.
But, the way he looks at me through the mirror. When we’re done and my hands are trembling all I want to do is stare at him through that dusty mirror. I want to feel his hands touch my waist, hold it firmly. I want to keep his thumbs near my spine, his fingers gripping around and towards my stomach. I want him to kiss my right shoulder— no, in that space between my shoulder and my neck. I want to feel him squeeze me there. I want to pretend he’s not there as I wash my hands and face. I want to always be surprised when I hear the crackle of my zipper, and to feel his fingers work the button.
I want that feeling always. I want to feel how much he cares through all of the little things he does. I can taste him on my lips, still feel his teeth grazing my bottom lip. I can see him licking his lips, feel his breath quicken. I can relive all these things, but what I want is to live just that one thing. That moment in front of the mirror.

The ocean rumbles in the distance, Bright moon in dark sky, and we sit on a balcony. Overlooking it...

Sun, 25 Nov 2012 21:44:37 -0500

The ocean rumbles in the distance,

Bright moon in dark sky,

and we sit on a balcony.

Overlooking it all,

we sat together

one last time.

3 AM.

eye study 1.

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 00:50:18 -0400

eye study 1.

Good.

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 00:48:31 -0400

I would wrap myself with your arms every night if I could. Feel the strength people overlook. Seek comfort in the tenor of your voice. Cherish the way your lips press against mine. How are you mine? We differ in so many ways but somehow under a blanket of night, my day is only complete hearing the sound of your tired voice. Bass notes mumbling good night, lingering glances. We want to say more, but what more is there to say until morning?

We kissed, my back pressed against the open brick. His arms wrapped securely around me. I tasted...

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 23:13:44 -0400

We kissed, my back pressed against the open brick. His arms wrapped securely around me. I tasted his teeth, grazing my tongue across the sharp edges. Rough, always rough. Gentleness is wasted in our time. Raw, rough, hard. Urgent.

“Ahh,” he breathed, pulling away. My lips followed his. ”You’re turning me on.”

Questions I want answers to:

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 17:20:05 -0400

How many people have you slept with? Who was the last person you kissed? How long have you felt this way about me? Why didn’t you say anything until now? What did you think about me when I was with him? How serious are we? Should I have any reason to be worried when you’re travelling? Are you worried I’m with you for the money? What does getting a dog together mean to you? Do you really think we’ll be able to runaway together? You say you love everything about me, but what about when I’m lazy? When I don’t have the will to get out of bed? When everything hurts and all I want to do is cry? Will my depression push you away? Will my anxiety frustrate you?

Am I going crazy?

Nostalgia: remembering how close we were and tasting it but forgetting a few things. How much salt...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 22:13:47 -0400

Nostalgia: remembering how close we were and tasting it but forgetting a few things. How much salt was there? In your tears, the night you cried about her? How was sugar was there? In the frozen yogurts we got at midnight? How much spice did we add? In our endeavors through various groups of friends? I can feel the past, the way Tchaikovsky wraps his strings around my mind. I can feel the friendship, still strong but more distant. I still wonder why you chose me, instead of her? Whatever the reason, I am grateful. So grateful, to have a taste of your life. So grateful, to have tasted your life. All the of the salt, sugar, and spice.

You remember dates— the first time we hugged, that afternoon we got tacos, or that night of insomnia.

I remember tastes.

Photo

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:16:51 -0400

Running by No Doubt

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:11:02 -0400

Running by No Doubt

The knowledge of knowing that I do hold a special place in your life is exhilarating, but I have to...

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:07:14 -0400

The knowledge of knowing that I do hold a special place in your life is exhilarating, but I have to decline. You are someone I don’t ever want to lose. Keeping things casual and unattached is the best way for us to proceed. Please understand. I can’t afford to lose you, not when I’ve just found you.

I learned how to embrace my body when his hand gripped me, fingers wrapping around the back of my...

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 23:32:39 -0400

I learned how to embrace my body when his hand gripped me, fingers wrapping around the back of my knee. My core, though denim clad, pressed into the sharp angle of his hip. I could feel him moving his hands over my legs, into that space I was always told not to let a boy touch. No, no, that’s only for you to touch. And only when you are cleaning. Oh, but he was cleaning me. Polished me, made sure I could feel him feel me. One hand gripping the back of my thigh, the other moving back and forth.

He breathed through his nose. Hot breath on my cheek. Our teeth clashed at first, our lips molded. His tongue delved. My teeth grazed. Frantic for minutes, only to subside when I opened my eyes. Saw his hands moving over me, realizing his hands were on me. Coated in his lust, my lips set into a firm line.

“What is it about a girl’s legs? They’re always so warm,” he sighed, lips molding over mine again. I did not reciprocate.

“You’re hands are getting a little friendly,” I easily joked, my legs pulling together to grip his hand. He took it away, taking on it’s presence. The warmth it had created lingered.

“Sorry.”

My body hummed with the epiphany: I am a woman.

I want to be the reason you don't want to bring work home with you.

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 00:14:41 -0400

I want to be the reason you lick your lips during your break.
I want to be the reason you can’t concentrate.
I want to be the reason you look into the sky and smile.
I want to be the reason you make an extra cup of coffee.
I want to be the reason you decide to clean.
I want to be the reason you run up the stairs.
I want to be the reason you ask for advice.
I want to be the reason you sleep at night.
I want to be the reason you love.

There are no words I want to exchange with you. If we could completely erase all of the nights we...

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 23:06:31 -0400

There are no words I want to exchange with you. If we could completely erase all of the nights we spent, circling, preying, on each other, we would. We would mutually agree that our time spent was a mistake.

You are someone so far behind themselves. I have been leading the race since the start, and you are so far behind. I have lapsed you, and now you are trying to trip me. Maturity at its best.

Thank you, for the experiences. No thank you, for the memories or the present war.

I would have been fine just letting things go, but you have said it before:

“I got played once, and I’m not gettin’ played again.”

Somehow I thought you would grow up.

The amount in which I crave you is ridiculous. Your touch burns my skin, your voice makes my heart...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:04:34 -0400

The amount in which I crave you is ridiculous. Your touch burns my skin, your voice makes my heart pound, and your taste lingers on my tongue. Be mine with subtleties and caresses. Let’s keep things casual so we don’t spiral out of control. Cruise.

I’m trying to remember why I was so enamored by you. I don’t know, but even now your...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:58:24 -0400

I’m trying to remember why I was so enamored by you. I don’t know, but even now your old letters make me blush. Even now, your sentimental whispering and soft caresses. We laughed at the girls that still swooned about you, but here I am. Not swooning, so much as I am remembering with a broken heart. In November I was yours, and only yours. I refused you, pushed you away. I didn’t think you’d actually let go. In January, I was going weeks without talking or seeing you. I am so stubborn. I am so scared. You gave up. I am not surprised, was not surprised but I was hoping against all hope that you would love me enough to stay. You would love me enough to wait. I am so selfish. My back locks, my neck tenses, and my eyes burn whenever I am near you now.

But you can’t tell. You kiss my lips and you use your fingers to glide over the skin of my hands. You tease me relentlessly. The tables have turned, and I’m doing nothing to reach across for your hand. I don’t want it.

I don’t want you.

I’m not sure how I feel about things, but I know that I like you. I like things about you. I...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:08:51 -0400

I’m not sure how I feel about things, but I know that I like you. I like things about you. I like the shape of your eyes, and the way your hair feels between my fingers. I like how dedicated you are to your family, and how you brought your littler brother to the picnic during the summer. I like how you’re so ambitious and excel in everything you do. I like how responsible and dependable you are. I like everything about you, but I just. It’s me. I don’t like you. I like you, but I don’t like you. Does that make any type of sense? No? That’s fine. I just wanted to get this out there. This— that I like you, but not enough to like you. We always talk about getting on a plane and never looking back. I’d like that. Maybe with time. Yeah, maybe with time and good eats and good memories we’ll be able to build on this. You’ve been nothing but nice. Do I want nice?